Tag Archives: relationships

Put a Little Love in Your Heart

Proverbs 17:9 (NLT) Love prospers when a fault is forgiven,

    but dwelling on it separates close friends.

I don’t like arguing with my husband or anyone. I don’t like disagreeing with people. I don’t like being hurt and having to forgive. Who wants any of that, right?

Today, I read Proverbs 17:9 and I thought about my roll in a person’s forgiveness story. Now, I’m not saying people should hurt you just so you forgive them over and over and over. I am saying that every time you forgive a fault against you, you do your part in preserving love.

Every time I forgive my husband or vice versa, our marriage grows a little more love. When forgiveness takes place, love prospers. It’s dwelling on mistakes that strains the relationships.

Is it easy to forgive? Not always. It is right to forgive? Always. If we’re placed on this earth to love and forgiveness makes love prosper when we do, forgiveness is that much more important.

I believe, we’re most like Christ when we serve and when we forgive. Christ didn’t have to do either, but He chose to. He chose to set the example. Surely I can do both because I need to. Really, I believe God is saying, just put a little love in your heart.

If Jesus can forgive crucifixion. Surely, we can survive and find a resolution – India. Arie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxMLZjqZ8wE

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Christianity, Encouragement, God

Untitled

My husband and I ran into each other at church one Sunday. This was obviously before we were dating and this was the first time we had seen each other since high school. And he looked at me.

He looked at me like I was the only person in the building. He looked at me like he had been looking for me since high school and finally had found me. He looked at me like no one had ever looked at me.

All week I thought about how he looked at me. And whenever I saw his name in an old yearbook or on Facebook I would go back to that moment. The moment when he looked at me. And a peaceful smile would come on my face.

Years later when we started dating, unlike my usual dating scheme I put all the games aside and volunteered honesty. You know, cause usually it’s the don’t ask, I ain’t telling playing field. But for some reason it was different. So I voluntarily told him, “You know, you looked at me some kind of way when I saw you at church that Sunday. I can’t describe it, but it was completely different than any look I’ve ever experienced. You seemed genuinely happy to see me.”

I say all that to say, that like most huge life decisions we always wonder. Did I do the right thing? Was the timing right? What now?

But when I think about my marriage and God’s presence in my dating relationship with my now husband, I’m taken back to that day. See, the peace of God surpasses all understanding. And there was a pleasant peace in my heart  when I saw Brandon that day and he looked at me. And still today, when I think of that moment, I feel this peace come over me all over again.

I guess what I’m saying is that when God orchestrates your decisions, you can still feel the peace of the moment even after it’s long passed, because His peace surpasses all understanding and is not like the world gives (Philippians 4:7; John 14:27).

Brandon and I don’t have a perfect relationship. I’m hard to live with. And we disagree. Not because we won’t to, but because we are two completely different people. But there is one thing we have always had in common, and that’s God. Because God is our common factor we can experience true love and peace.

Is it easy being loving all the time? No. Does everything go just right so I can be in a constant state of peace? Not hardly. But neither of those things are circumstantial either. What I’m saying is, I serve a God that can remind me of a peaceful moment from the past, that can still result in peace in the present, even when my current circumstances are anything but that.

My marriage may not be perfect, but my God is. And because He is perfect and we are married to glorify Him, we have a better chance at a “perfect” marriage than we would have by trying to make it happen on our own. We need God. And with the truth of knowing that we need God, comes His peace.

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Christianity, Encouragement, God, Relationships

Marriage 101 Philosophy: Newlywed Edition

Let me be honest, writing about marriage and relationships makes me nervous. I feel like I have no right to say anything about either. I’ve not been married long enough. And I’ve made some very selfish choices in past relationships. So, I want you to know that I write because I feel that God has put it on my heart to share. I write because I want people who do have marital advice to share their wisdom with anyone who reads my blog and with me. I write because I need accountability. I write because I need guidance. So, don’t keep your wisdom to yourself.

As I have said in the past, I am no relationship guru. I have some great ideas, but the execution of them never took place in past relationships. But that’s all done. I am married now, so I’m on a whole new level now. In other words, what used to work or get me by won’t anymore. Nor should I want it to.

I say all that to say, that this new idea isn’t to make it seem like I have the perfect marriage. I don’t even know what that is, except for the symbolism of Christ and His Church. That’s the only perfect marriage I know of. But that is another blog for another day. I’m going to start “journaling” a Marriage 101. Not because I know the ends and outs, but because I’m going through them currently as a newlywed.

My husband and I have a philosophy I like to call, The Not Going Anywhere Philosophy.

This philosophy pretty much means, he ain’t going anywhere, and I ain’t going anywhere, so we better pray about it and figure it out. If we got married because we believed it was God’s will like we said, then we don’t need to go anywhere. If when we were dating there was no desire to be anywhere else, there still needs to be the same commitment more than ever in marriage.

It hurts when I say things I shouldn’t have said to him. It hurts when he says the wrong things too. We hurt each other. Not because we want to, but because we have a human nature. It’s human nature to want to say and do what you want, and to not always think of the consequences or effects it will have on someone else. Even if that is someone you love.

But we made a commitment. We committed that we weren’t going anywhere on the day we said I do. So the only thing left is to figure it out. There’s only about two options anyway. We can have a long, miserable lifetime staying mad at each other. Or we can pray and figure it out.

Because the bottom line is, when you’re not going anywhere, all you want to do is make the most of where you currently are.

And for anyone reading that has a tip of the day for married couples or those considering marriage, please share. I know I need it, so someone else probably does too. Thanks for your wisdom in advance.

As always, this post serves as a reminder to me. This is the promise I am making to God, my husband, and my marriage. This is public accountability for those days that are far from perfect. Tough times come, but they also go as well. So if the next time I read this, I am having a tough time, here’s your own advice: pray and figure it out! 

2 Comments

Filed under Christianity, Encouragement, God, Mistakes, Relationships, Sin, Wrong

I’m Married Now

Well, I’m married now. I’m officially officially off the market. And it’s different. For him, maybe not so much yet, but for me, yes. I can feel the difference.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good different. Change is good. Marriage is good. And I think a lot of times marriages don’t work is because people don’t want to change. So if you don’t want to change, certainly don’t get married. Don’t even have a relationship if that’s the case.

But yes, I am Chanel Moore now. And when I say it’s different right now, I mean that it’s uniquely different. I sleep in the bed with someone, and it’s good. That’s a fun part.

I share finances with someone else. I make decisions with a counterpart. I have to consider someone else in pretty much everything I do now. And that’s not to say that we hadn’t started doing these things before we married (except sleeping together, please WAIT! It’s so worth it.). But it was almost like we did those things because it was nice to do. Now it’s a must.

I’m sure I will continue to chronicle about marriage. And I know it won’t be easy, but while it’s good, I want to talk about it. I want to have this accountability. I want to look back on this on tough days and remember why we got married.

I am married. And it’s different, but it’s good.

 

4 Comments

Filed under Christianity, Encouragement, God, Relationships

Change Me?

You know, it’s interesting that when we pray for things that aren’t going our way, we pray for people to be changed. You know, my marriage isn’t going right because he won’t change. Or my job isn’t easy because my boss is ridiculous. Those types of things.

I believe we should pray for people. No doubt. But it’s interesting to me that we can be selfish enough to pray for everyone else to change, but not pray for ourselves. We can pray for our boss to change or for our husband to do better. But oddly enough, we’re hurt when God tells us we need to change.

Why would we pray for everything else to change, but feel like we should stay the same? If everythng else needs to be changed, isn’t there a possibility we could use a little reboot as well? Today, I believe God just wanted me to have this little reminder.

When things aren’t going my way. When he doesn’t get it. When they just seem too difficult to deal with. Maybe I should pray to have some things in my heart revealed before I pray that God change someone else. A change is gonna come, and it might have to start with me.

Leave a comment

Filed under Christianity, Encouragement, God, Mistakes, Relationships, Sin, Wrong

Why Marriage?

Why get married? That’s been the question. If you can have a support system and companionship without sexual immorality, why get married?

To me, it’s obvious that God created marriage for more than just the right to have sex. In fact, I believe that if He didn’t create marriage for more than that, we wouldn’t see so many failed marriages. Satan attacks marriages and families because they are the most powerful foundational relationships God created between human beings.

But, in response to the original question, I have a question. What if we aren’t living up to our potential to know why God has given some of us a spouse? The Bible says that a wife of noble character will help her husband (Proverbs 31:12, NLT). But, what if he’s not living up to his full potential to know why he needs the help a virtuous wife? Perhaps that’s the real question we need to ask.

I don’t believe that people have to get married, but I do believe that there is a purpose behind marriage. Married couples are supposed to build one another up in their walk with God. And if spouses aren’t living up to their full potential, then it’s easy to wonder what the purpose of your marriage is. When you’re not in a situation or position where you need the support that only a marital spouse can provide, it’s easy to believe that any support would do.

If God blesses you with marriage, great. If He blesses you with singleness, just as good (1 Corinthians 7:7).  Whatever He blesses you with, just know that if you’re not operating out of your full God-given potential, it can easily seem like a curse.

Leave a comment

Filed under Christianity, Encouragement, God, Relationships

Change in Relationships Bible Study

Embracing Changes for Good in Relationships: T.I.C.S.

Relationships are important. Relationships are good (Read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). And even though they are important and good, there are still times when we don’t want to embrace the new things that come with them. Is it fear? Do we not want to change? Is it the fear of change? Tonight, we will discuss a few components that have to take place in true relationships.

  1. Trust – “Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”—Stephen Covey
  • Why is it hard to trust?
  • Trust equals vulnerability, we don’t like to be vulnerable.
  • Read Proverbs 3:5-6: If your trust is in the Lord, He will give you the ability to wisely trust others.
  1. Identity – “The value of identity of course is that so often with it comes purpose.”—Richard Grant
  • We don’t like to change who we are, no matter how much we need to, but why?
  • Galatians 3:26; Romans 8:14-16 – I am a child of God.
  • Your most important part of your identity never changes.
  • You don’t know who you are until you know Whose you are. —Ronnie Williams
  1. Compromise – “Let no one think that flexibility and a predisposition to compromise is a sign of weakness or a sell-out.”—Paul Kagame
  • Why not compromise?
  • I have to give of myself and trust you will do the same (thus leaving me vulnerable) …
  • Read Philippians 2:3-4: Show others that they matter.

Note: John 14:15: Compromise anywhere you can, but certainly not your beliefs.

  1. Sacrifice – “The most sublime act is to set another before you.” —William Blake
  • We don’t like or want to give up anything (especially if we don’t like to compromise).
  • Read John 15:13 – If giving up my life is great love, why can’t I give up my time, money, pride, etc.?

How can we cope with change?

Reprogram from society’s thinking: Have to v. Get to Mindset

  • We get to grow in these areas.

Question of the Day: If we struggle with these changes, and we are meant to be agents of change what are the steps that we are taking to build relationships with those in our communities who will struggle with the same things?

Beauty and the Beast – The transition of a flourishing relationship when one learns to trust, compromise, and sacrifice to become a better person.

Leave a comment

Filed under Christianity, Encouragement, God, Relationships