Tag Archives: relationships

While I Wait: What to do before and after the right relationship

Honestly, I haven’t read this in years. Enjoy the read. Tell me what you think. I’m sure there’s some grammar errors, but enjoy it just the same.

Intro

“While I Wait” is special because it’s from an outside looking in perspective. Like most things in life, we are able to see more clearly once we are out of a situation rather then when we are in the middle of it. I’ve noticed a lot about relationships and I’ve also had to notice a lot about myself throughout this waiting period in my life.

Waiting on the right person can be tiring, but what we don’t realize is that it can

be just as tiring when they show up too. So what do we do about it? Instead of spending our days wondering when they’re going to get here, choose to focus on what you need to work on in the meantime.

The great thing about this book is that it addresses issues that happen during the waiting period, the relationship or marriage, and afterwards. Because I can only share so much on the topic of marriage I’ve taken the liberty of sitting with couples who have been married anywhere from a few months to a few decades in order to provide a proper balance of relatability no matter where you are in your life or relationship.

So, for all the married readers, I’m sure you’ll find yourself in here just fine. And what I can say is this: if there were issues before the marriage or relationship that weren’t resolved, they are probably the same issues that keep showing up in your lives.

As a reader, you’re probably wondering, why write a book about relationships? There are already books on the subject, so what makes this one any different? I decided to write “While I Wait” for several reasons. The first was because I really felt that God was not only showing, but sharing amazing things with me about relationships. Let’s face it, we can always use a few relationship tidbits. And even if we can’t, we can use someone to relate to.

My second reason was because I had made so many mistakes in my own relationships. I felt like it would be beneficial to let others know that certain things that you think are important or all about you aren’t when it comes to the relationship. It’s never good to risk any relationship because you think it’s all about you.

My third reason was for accountability. For me, this is the toughest one. I’m being held accountable for the rest of my life for what I decide to say in this book. It’s both exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time. My future marriage will have documented proof of the promises I’ve made even before meeting him.

I hope that everyone who reads this book can take something positive away from it and into their lives. The important thing in all this is to focus on being the best we can be before being a part of someone else’s life. If you’re already married or in a relationship, the important thing is being the best you can be to make that relationship the best it can be. So, as you commit to reading this book, I hope that you’ll make the same commitment to your relationship as well.

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People are Like Chocolates

Forrest Gump’s momma always said life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get. I think people are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get with people.

People are just different. No matter how well intentioned people can be, you still just don’t know what you’re going to get. Yeah, in a lot of ways people are predictable, but our thought processes and overall outcomes on things can throw you for a loop.

So, since we’re all capable of throwing each other for a loop, why not embrace the differences that make us unique? First off, it’s easier and less stressful. I’m not talking about embracing sins that make differences, I’m talking about embracing the uniqueness of each other.

If everyone was like me, it would be boring. I can not be boring, but for the most part, I like my life being simple. I’m never bored, but I certainly would be if everyone was like me. And in knowing that, it should make it a little easier to accept people who are different than me, because they challenge to think differently and to see a different perspective.

In a world of boxes of chocolate, it’s OK to be different. We need milk chocolate, we need dark chocolate, we need white chocolate, etc. When they’re the right brand, all of them are good. For the most part, you’ll hopefully meet more people who are good than are bad, and they’ll be all kinds of different types of chocolate.

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Relationships Aren’t Perfect

Relationships are not perfect. I’m not even referencing marriages or dating relationships. I’m referencing family and friend relationships. Imperfect people can’t come together and create perfect relationships. We can try, but I don’t think it’s possible.

People are just different. It’s OK to be different. It’s OK to have some rifts. In fact, something is very strange if you don’t have some disagreements. Those rifts cause us to see the things in ourselves that may need some work. And they may cause us to see the things that we firmly believe in that we didn’t even realize. They give us perspective.

I guess what I’m saying is, don’t throw a relationship away because you don’t always agree. Don’t miss the signs that may be obvious that you need to change. A lot of times we throw relationships out for selfish reasons. We don’t see it that way, but we do. I didn’t agree with them, so I’m done with them. Unfortunately, sometimes what we don’t agree with is what needs changing in us and we miss the opportunity to realize that.

Don’t throw away good relationships because they don’t work good all of the time. Don’t miss the opportunity to grow into a better person when people who know you best point out ways you can improve. It’s not always fun, but it is necessary for growth. Iron sharpens irons.

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

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True Love

There is this belief that true love will lead you to a person just like you. True love will lead you to the person you never argue with or disagree with. Somehow, somewhere, this is the myth of true love floating around. I don’t know who started it, but it’s floating.

Brandon and I really aren’t that much alike. When we dated, it seemed like we were. We had little differences here and there, but for the most part, we focused on what we did have in common of course. Once we passed the “getting to know you on your best behavior phase”, we realized that we’re pretty different.

We argue. We disagree. Different people do that. We love each other, but we don’t always see eye to eye. True love does not mean automatic peace. It doesn’t mean freedom from trying because it just works out. It means you love each other.

I’m not trying to discourage anyone. But I want people to understand, you don’t know someone until you marry them. And if you married for the right reason (God’s plan for your lives), you will work to make your marriage work. But by no means will you marry someone you will never disagree with.

I think it’s Rick Warren or Tony Evans that says, if you marry someone just like you, one of you isn’t needed. It’s OK to be different. So make sure you’re needed.

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What I’ve Learned So Far

Happy Anniversary

I guess I messed around and started an anniversary tradition last year, so I have to keep it going now. I get to write a special blog for Brandon! I’ve titled this one What I’ve Learned So Far.

#1 I’ve learned that I’m not always right, even though I want to be.

#2 I’ve learned that it’s OK to do things out of my comfort zone (as long as Brandon has to do it too lol).

#3 I’ve learned that there are some things Brandon cooks better than me, and I’m quite OK with that.

#4 I’m not the best listener in the world.

#5 I could be a little nicer more often.

#6 Being a Proverbs 31 woman is hard (I knew that before marriage though).

#7 It’s one thing to know the right thing to do, quite another to actually do it in your marriage.

#8 What you pray for in your marriage is what tends to be under attack.

#9 Something special happens when spouses pray for each other.

#10 It’s best to be the first to break the silence, this tends to break pride, which is usually a good thing in marriage.

Thank you for the lessons learned with you Brandon. Most importantly, thank You God for being patient with me as I learn them.

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Marriage Communication

If there is one thing under attack in a marriage, it’s communication. Most men and women just don’t know how to communicate. Well, most people don’t know how to communicate.

I’ve noticed that as I said prayers from The Power of a Praying Wife, that area that I was specifically praying about would be under attack. One particular week I was praying for “His Talk.”

That very night, Brandon and I got into a disagreement and he was so frustrated because he was trying to express himself, but just couldn’t. Several times he said I just can’t explain it. And here is where it gets sad.

He couldn’t express himself so I thought I had won. Because he couldn’t verbalize his emotions or create a “comeback” I actually thought I had won whatever it was. And as soon as I felt like a winner, I realized I was the biggest loser.

Our communication was under attack and I didn’t prepare. And thinking either of us is a winner when we argue is proof that we lost. I learned a valuable lesson that day. The moment I see a winner in our marriage that doesn’t have both of us in the winner’s circle is the moment we lose.

And the moment Brandon can’t express himself and doesn’t have a wife that responds with patience and love, I lose. When communication breaks down, couples tend to break down. Clearly, that’s a losing situation. Protect your communication and you’ll have a better chance of protecting your marriage.

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Marry Someone You Will Enjoy the Ride With

Marry someone you will enjoy the ride with. Brandon and I go to Pigeon Forge every year. We may go to the movies. We may go to eat. We may ride go karts. We play putt-putt. We may play video games. We even Christmas shop for our family. We do a few other things for ourselves. We celebrate life together and create our own little traditions. We do a lot there. But do you know what my favorite part is?

Not the shopping, not the games, not the dinner, but the ride. The ride is my absolute favorite.

On the ride, we connect. We get coffee and gas station pizza on the go. We sing. We talk. I read aloud. We listen to sermons. We may even stop and take a picture of the mountains and the trees. Nothing beats the ride there because it’s full of anticipation, but it’s also full of bonding time.

My advice to people who want to get married is simple: marry a godly person of course, and marry someone you can enjoy the ride with, both literally and metaphorically. After all, its the best part.

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