Tag Archives: mindset

Change in Relationships Bible Study

Embracing Changes for Good in Relationships: T.I.C.S.

Relationships are important. Relationships are good (Read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). And even though they are important and good, there are still times when we don’t want to embrace the new things that come with them. Is it fear? Do we not want to change? Is it the fear of change? Tonight, we will discuss a few components that have to take place in true relationships.

  1. Trust – “Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”—Stephen Covey
  • Why is it hard to trust?
  • Trust equals vulnerability, we don’t like to be vulnerable.
  • Read Proverbs 3:5-6: If your trust is in the Lord, He will give you the ability to wisely trust others.
  1. Identity – “The value of identity of course is that so often with it comes purpose.”—Richard Grant
  • We don’t like to change who we are, no matter how much we need to, but why?
  • Galatians 3:26; Romans 8:14-16 – I am a child of God.
  • Your most important part of your identity never changes.
  • You don’t know who you are until you know Whose you are. —Ronnie Williams
  1. Compromise – “Let no one think that flexibility and a predisposition to compromise is a sign of weakness or a sell-out.”—Paul Kagame
  • Why not compromise?
  • I have to give of myself and trust you will do the same (thus leaving me vulnerable) …
  • Read Philippians 2:3-4: Show others that they matter.

Note: John 14:15: Compromise anywhere you can, but certainly not your beliefs.

  1. Sacrifice – “The most sublime act is to set another before you.” —William Blake
  • We don’t like or want to give up anything (especially if we don’t like to compromise).
  • Read John 15:13 – If giving up my life is great love, why can’t I give up my time, money, pride, etc.?

How can we cope with change?

Reprogram from society’s thinking: Have to v. Get to Mindset

  • We get to grow in these areas.

Question of the Day: If we struggle with these changes, and we are meant to be agents of change what are the steps that we are taking to build relationships with those in our communities who will struggle with the same things?

Beauty and the Beast – The transition of a flourishing relationship when one learns to trust, compromise, and sacrifice to become a better person.

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The Key

He gave me

Something no one ever had

The key…

Now what do I do?

It’s officially official

When he gives that to you.

I knew we were serious

But the reality of it

Now makes me kind of delirious

Only one guy

That, I can’t say I’ve ever had

Never have I had just one apple of my eye…

Yet here I am

With his key

In my hand…

So now if this thing ends

It won’t be because he didn’t try his best to blend

It will likely be on my end.

See, his line in the sand

Was drawn behind mine on purpose

Because wherever I was, he wanted to be, hand in hand.

So if it doesn’t work

It won’t be because he didn’t try

He just tried with a jerk.

So what I’m going to do

Is stick to this relationship like glue

I will not be like I used to…

This key is not just for some door

Giving me a door would be way to easy

So he took the hard road and gave me much more.

This is his invitation to home

And I’m not just talking about a building of his own.

He has welcomed me into his dome.

The castle of his mind.

The palace of his heart.

These are the places he wants us intertwined.

So with my all, I accept this key.

I even accept all that is new to me.

For it is with this key

That he has just unlocked all of me.

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Men and Women: Timing

I guess I’ll talk about relationships today. Here we go.

Women and men think completely different. That’s not rocket science. From the beginning of time we’ve thought differently. And I think that we forget just how differently.

Take time for an example.

Women are in a much bigger hurry than men usually are to get married and start families. All we’re thinking is we’ve got to get started. We’ve got to date for a certain amount of time. Then we’ve got to be engaged for another amount of time. Then we’ve got to honeymoon a little bit. And soon we’ve got to have kids. Our lives are like boom boom boom.

Men on the other hand seem more carefree. Of the men I’ve spoken to it seems more like they’re in a mind frame of “it will happen.” I’ll get married at some point, I’ll have a family eventually. Everything will be fine.

Now try to match those two ideas together. They’re as close as you can probably get without being complete polar opposites.

In short: Men think, I have plenty of time. Women think, I’m running out of time.

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It Is What It Is, Sin

Romans is a very interesting book in the Bible. From Chapter 1 Paul makes it clears he’s not sugarcoating anything. He’s calling sin what it is, sin. He’s saying there is no excuse for acting like you don’t know God because you see all this stuff around us and we know man can’t produce it, so come on people.

Romans 1:20 (NLT) For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.

No excuse. But to get back to the sin Paul talks about. These people were doing a little bit of everything, and some were doing a lot bit of everything. And the thing is, they knew and didn’t care, or they knew and kept on. It says they were even inventing new ways of sinning. And all I could think of when I read this was everything going on today.

And if their own sinning was enough, Paul later says, worst yet is that you encourage people to sin too. It isn’t enough for you to sin, but you want other people to join you in your sinning. And it really reminds me of the world today. It’s not enough for that person to live this lifestyle that is dishonorable to God, but other people condone it and condemn the people who don’t.

Romans 1:28-30 (NLT) Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done. Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They invent new ways of sinning, and they disobey their parents. 

And just as soon as I read all the vile things that these people were doing, and get on my high horse, Paul tells me to get right off it.

Romans 2:1-4 (NLT) You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things. And we know that God, in his justice, will punish anyone who does such things. Since you judge others for doing these things, why do you think you can avoid God’s judgment when you do the same things? Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?

Paul immediately says, wait a minute. Before you start pointing your finger I need you to see that you are not different. Yeah, you sin differently, but you are sinning, and you need to stop.

I am excited about continuing to read Romans. It is one of my favorite books and for any book in the Bible it’s always good to go through a “refresher course.” There is always something to relate to and it is always relevant. But I must say this, the one thing that I always have to pray for is that God does not abandon me to my own way of thinking. If you’ll read Romans 1 that is the recurring theme. He didn’t abandon them, but He did abandon them to their own way of thinking.

As blessed as we are to have our minds, let’s face it, we don’t always think right. And I have to pray that God never abandons me to my own way of thinking, because then I know I will not only think up a mess, but I’ll be one too.

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When I Look Back

When we look back on our lives what do we want to see?

That is one of the most important questions any of us can ever ask ourselves. If what we want to see when we look back is impossible for us to believe we’ll see one day, then in our present is where we need to start doing what it takes to get to a point where it’s not impossible to believe.

If I want to look back on my life and see 5 books written and I don’t see how that’s possible, then right now, I need to be writing. If what I want to see, I don’t see how I’m going to be able to see it, then what I’m doing now needs to change so that I will be able to see it.

That’s the mindset we all need to have. We all have to have a mindset of being a go-getter. We all have to have a mindset of saying I want to see that so I’m going to start making it happen today. If I want to see that when I look back into my past, I can’t be in the present moment seeing that I haven’t done anything to make it happen one day. I have to see myself moving forward. I have to start moving forward to see that.

I have to change something in my life to be able to see what I hope to see one day. It doesn’t happen because we hope it will one day. It happens because we make sure it will happen one day.

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Misery: The Choice

I’d rather not be miserable. That is one of the most powerful statements and thoughts I’ve ever had. It’s so simple. It’s so easy. Or so it seems…

How often would we be caught up in that job or relationship that we hate if we simply said and believed that statement? I’d rather not be miserable.

Why is this statement so powerful? Because it all depends on you. If you would rather not be miserable, then don’t be. Don’t be miserable.

Recently, I was thinking about how I decided not to play basketball my senior year. Some people who played would talk about how much time it took out of their day, or how they just didn’t feel like playing. I’m looking back on that time and thinking, wow. I would have rather not been miserable than play a sport or do anything else that was going to make misery an option in my life.

Today, I still need that mindset. I need to not want misery to be an option in my life because it’s not. There will never be a need for misery or its company. And as soon as we realize that, the sooner we will stop welcoming it.

If I don’t want to be miserable, I simply will not do anything that might make me miserable. It’s not rocket science, it’s mindset. When you have a mindset that happiness is your goal, then anything that isn’t going to help you achieve it is not relevant.

If you would rather not be miserable, what do you need to not do in your life?

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Racism: Are you Kidding Me?!

I get just as tired of hearing racial “discussions” and stereotypes as much as I do of dealing with racist situations. I hate racism, from every angle I hate it. I’m not one of those annoying people who believe racism is over because “we’ve come so far.” Racism is alive and well and will forever be.

I am, however, one of those people that gets easily annoyed when people feel like using a person’s race is automatically going to make a situation more descriptive or accurate. I’m just saying, racism is too prevalent as is, why give it any more precedence than it already has?

There’s an overload of racism in this world without so many non-racist people giving in to stereotypical conversations and comments. The war with racism is going to go on without us making mountains out of molehills. When there are people who really believe that other races are superior and that people should be enslaved based on their skin color alone, who cares that a white celebrity dressed up like their favorite black character from a show? The war is bigger than that. Who cares that black men marry white women? It happens.

I admit, in the past I’ve seen black men committing to white women and assumed they were both committing to one another just because of their race. I’ve done some black men bashing. But, why? Happiness has no color to it. It just is. These people found happiness with someone that just happened to be a different race. It doesn’t always have to be a racial thing.

Do I think things happen to President Obama because he’s half-black? Yes. Do I think things happen to President Obama because of his own decisions as a human being? Yes I do.

Newsflash, knowing that some white people used to be slave owners won’t stop me from finding white men attractive, nor will it stop me from having white friends. Should the fact that some black people owned slaves get in the way of a person seeing me for who I am?

Do I think races think differently? Yes I do. It just so happens that our cultures have morphed a certain mindset that is different from one another. I’ve had friends of different races, and we’ve had many of discussions in which we disagreed. Do I think it’s because either one of us is racist? No. I just think that even though we grew up in the same town, we grew up with different cultural mindsets. That doesn’t have to be a race issue. It’s a cultural difference. It’s no different than saying men and women have completely different mindsets, because Lord knows we do!

I’m just offended that with poverty in this world, abuse taking place every day, and homeless people in the street, we yield even more ignorance to the notion that everything is race related. When we’re all here for a lifetime and are to use it to prepare for Eternity with God, who cares that I’m black and you’re white! Are you kidding me?

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