Tag Archives: marriage

While I Wait: What to do before and after the right relationship

Honestly, I haven’t read this in years. Enjoy the read. Tell me what you think. I’m sure there’s some grammar errors, but enjoy it just the same.

Intro

“While I Wait” is special because it’s from an outside looking in perspective. Like most things in life, we are able to see more clearly once we are out of a situation rather then when we are in the middle of it. I’ve noticed a lot about relationships and I’ve also had to notice a lot about myself throughout this waiting period in my life.

Waiting on the right person can be tiring, but what we don’t realize is that it can

be just as tiring when they show up too. So what do we do about it? Instead of spending our days wondering when they’re going to get here, choose to focus on what you need to work on in the meantime.

The great thing about this book is that it addresses issues that happen during the waiting period, the relationship or marriage, and afterwards. Because I can only share so much on the topic of marriage I’ve taken the liberty of sitting with couples who have been married anywhere from a few months to a few decades in order to provide a proper balance of relatability no matter where you are in your life or relationship.

So, for all the married readers, I’m sure you’ll find yourself in here just fine. And what I can say is this: if there were issues before the marriage or relationship that weren’t resolved, they are probably the same issues that keep showing up in your lives.

As a reader, you’re probably wondering, why write a book about relationships? There are already books on the subject, so what makes this one any different? I decided to write “While I Wait” for several reasons. The first was because I really felt that God was not only showing, but sharing amazing things with me about relationships. Let’s face it, we can always use a few relationship tidbits. And even if we can’t, we can use someone to relate to.

My second reason was because I had made so many mistakes in my own relationships. I felt like it would be beneficial to let others know that certain things that you think are important or all about you aren’t when it comes to the relationship. It’s never good to risk any relationship because you think it’s all about you.

My third reason was for accountability. For me, this is the toughest one. I’m being held accountable for the rest of my life for what I decide to say in this book. It’s both exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time. My future marriage will have documented proof of the promises I’ve made even before meeting him.

I hope that everyone who reads this book can take something positive away from it and into their lives. The important thing in all this is to focus on being the best we can be before being a part of someone else’s life. If you’re already married or in a relationship, the important thing is being the best you can be to make that relationship the best it can be. So, as you commit to reading this book, I hope that you’ll make the same commitment to your relationship as well.

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Satan Hates Your Spouse

Do you go to bed angry? I hope not. It’s no fun. I used to try to, it didn’t work.

We have a rule in our marriage. No one can go to bed angry, we can’t afford to, it’s risky. For me, I can’t even sleep well knowing I’m mad, so there’s no point in even trying to go to sleep.

Anger gives Satan a foothold. As soon as I get mad at Brandon, Satan does his best to seize that opportunity. He hates Brandon. He hates me too. He hates marriage. And he does all that he can to make sure we think the most hateful things about each other and our marriage.

Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t allow Satan into your bed, into your rest, convincing you to think things about your marriage that aren’t true. Anger allows that. Sleeping on anger allows this even more. I’m going to ask you and myself a question. It’s a simple question, but it doesn’t make it an easy one.

Is anger more important than your marriage?

Ephesians 4:26-27 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

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True Love

There is this belief that true love will lead you to a person just like you. True love will lead you to the person you never argue with or disagree with. Somehow, somewhere, this is the myth of true love floating around. I don’t know who started it, but it’s floating.

Brandon and I really aren’t that much alike. When we dated, it seemed like we were. We had little differences here and there, but for the most part, we focused on what we did have in common of course. Once we passed the “getting to know you on your best behavior phase”, we realized that we’re pretty different.

We argue. We disagree. Different people do that. We love each other, but we don’t always see eye to eye. True love does not mean automatic peace. It doesn’t mean freedom from trying because it just works out. It means you love each other.

I’m not trying to discourage anyone. But I want people to understand, you don’t know someone until you marry them. And if you married for the right reason (God’s plan for your lives), you will work to make your marriage work. But by no means will you marry someone you will never disagree with.

I think it’s Rick Warren or Tony Evans that says, if you marry someone just like you, one of you isn’t needed. It’s OK to be different. So make sure you’re needed.

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What I’ve Learned So Far

Happy Anniversary

I guess I messed around and started an anniversary tradition last year, so I have to keep it going now. I get to write a special blog for Brandon! I’ve titled this one What I’ve Learned So Far.

#1 I’ve learned that I’m not always right, even though I want to be.

#2 I’ve learned that it’s OK to do things out of my comfort zone (as long as Brandon has to do it too lol).

#3 I’ve learned that there are some things Brandon cooks better than me, and I’m quite OK with that.

#4 I’m not the best listener in the world.

#5 I could be a little nicer more often.

#6 Being a Proverbs 31 woman is hard (I knew that before marriage though).

#7 It’s one thing to know the right thing to do, quite another to actually do it in your marriage.

#8 What you pray for in your marriage is what tends to be under attack.

#9 Something special happens when spouses pray for each other.

#10 It’s best to be the first to break the silence, this tends to break pride, which is usually a good thing in marriage.

Thank you for the lessons learned with you Brandon. Most importantly, thank You God for being patient with me as I learn them.

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Marriage Communication

If there is one thing under attack in a marriage, it’s communication. Most men and women just don’t know how to communicate. Well, most people don’t know how to communicate.

I’ve noticed that as I said prayers from The Power of a Praying Wife, that area that I was specifically praying about would be under attack. One particular week I was praying for “His Talk.”

That very night, Brandon and I got into a disagreement and he was so frustrated because he was trying to express himself, but just couldn’t. Several times he said I just can’t explain it. And here is where it gets sad.

He couldn’t express himself so I thought I had won. Because he couldn’t verbalize his emotions or create a “comeback” I actually thought I had won whatever it was. And as soon as I felt like a winner, I realized I was the biggest loser.

Our communication was under attack and I didn’t prepare. And thinking either of us is a winner when we argue is proof that we lost. I learned a valuable lesson that day. The moment I see a winner in our marriage that doesn’t have both of us in the winner’s circle is the moment we lose.

And the moment Brandon can’t express himself and doesn’t have a wife that responds with patience and love, I lose. When communication breaks down, couples tend to break down. Clearly, that’s a losing situation. Protect your communication and you’ll have a better chance of protecting your marriage.

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Marry Someone You Will Enjoy the Ride With

Marry someone you will enjoy the ride with. Brandon and I go to Pigeon Forge every year. We may go to the movies. We may go to eat. We may ride go karts. We play putt-putt. We may play video games. We even Christmas shop for our family. We do a few other things for ourselves. We celebrate life together and create our own little traditions. We do a lot there. But do you know what my favorite part is?

Not the shopping, not the games, not the dinner, but the ride. The ride is my absolute favorite.

On the ride, we connect. We get coffee and gas station pizza on the go. We sing. We talk. I read aloud. We listen to sermons. We may even stop and take a picture of the mountains and the trees. Nothing beats the ride there because it’s full of anticipation, but it’s also full of bonding time.

My advice to people who want to get married is simple: marry a godly person of course, and marry someone you can enjoy the ride with, both literally and metaphorically. After all, its the best part.

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Thank You Veterans

Thank you Veterans. You’re great. I appreciate your service to our country. We get things wrong sometimes, but you serve us none the less. Thank you. You say goodbye to your family more frequently than I could imagine. You have difficult conversations often. You try to manage a marriage near and far. Marriage is work (fun work, but work), so I can’t imagine trying to make marriage great with the added pressure of making a country safe.

A Veteran at church said something very important. He said don’t forget to thank the spouses of Veterans. They go through more than you could ever imagine, they serve just as much we do.

So spouses of Veterans, thank you. I personally have had no desire to date anyone in any service because of the risks. Because I don’t want to miss them and be apart, I didn’t want to date anyone in the service. So thank you. You take the risks. You make the sacrifice. You endure the time away for the sake of a better America.

Thank you for your service Veterans and families of Veterans. It’s your sacrifices that make America the land of the free and the home of the brave.

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