Alone but Not Lonely

Why is it difficult for women to be alone? I feel like there are a bunch of reasons. Off the top of my head I feel like there are four main factors.

History. History makes you feel like something is wrong if you are alone. So initially, it’s difficult for women to be along. Being alone “signifies”  or has the implication that there must be something wrong with you. With history, you look back on different times and basically a lot of women that you may study as far as women’s rights movements go are painted to be too strong and to seem like that’s an issue.

A lot of people make women feel like their too strong and that’s a problem. Eventually that plays into a person’s mindset and based on history it makes women feel like historically strong women are meant to be alone.

Society is part of the issue. The history of society makes it difficult. Society today says, if you’re alone or you’re single and you’re at a certain age, something must be wrong with you or your standards must be too high or maybe you’re too needy. Maybe you need someone just too much. Having society play on your mind like that makes it difficult for women to be alone.

And family. Family pressures play on your mind. Families are always pushing and putting that bug in your ear. They’re always wondering when they are going to have a grandchild or a niece or nephew. The pressure weighs on you from family.

Lastly, I think you yourself make it difficult. We allow ourselves to be convinced by society, by people, by family, that something may in fact be wrong with us because of the terms of conditions that we are under. If you’re being influenced by society that something is wrong with you then you start to believe it. Who we are starts to weigh on us as well and we start seeing ourselves the way society sees us.

Being alone doesn’t have to be difficult, it just matters where you are in your own life. If you’re in a place where you feel like you need someone all the time, then you are making it difficult. That neediness is not going to be fulfilled, because you’re with someone. You’re still going to be a needy person. Until you can actually be comfortable just being alone and accepting what is or isn’t wrong, then it’s going to continue to be difficult for you to be alone.

Ultimately, people can be alone and be just fine. It really just matters where you are personally. India Arie said it best, “I’m alone, but never lonely.” You need to know the difference between the two.

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Filed under Encouragement, Relationships

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