Relationships – Need v. Want

Being wanted versus needed might be a tough concept. I think they both seem really good, but that’s of course until I think about it. Both are definitely necessary. And call me crazy, but I’m starting to believe I’d rather be wanted than needed in a relationship.

Yes, I believe it’s loving for someone to say they need me in their life. It’s very endearing. But want feels like so much more sometimes. If given the choice, I’d choose both. However, having to decide I’d much rather be wanted.

You see, need requires me to be there. But want desires me to be there. A person can easily be needed without being wanted. And I feel like relationships get confused about the two at times.

We need to be loved, but we can’t keep forcing “love” to come from a dating relationship that we hope to be the fulfillment of our need. My need to be loved can’t be forced to come from the source I think it should come from.

We all have a need to be loved and to give love. No matter how you feel, it’s true. Yes, I believe that love conquers all, but I don’t believe we should continue to use the phrase or the affective action as if it works magic. Sometimes love’s conquering powers are to give the strength to love and forgive a person as you both move forward in your separate lives.

Oftentimes I believe we allow the need to feel something and someone to overshadow the relationship. If I’m so focused on needing you, I have little focus on the actual relationship. My concern is your provision for a need I have. I don’t even care about your needs at that point. And it makes me wonder, do I really care about you?

In the best relationships, I’ve seen both a want and need. I’ve seen loves that really seem like they can’t go on without each other. And I’ve seen loves that if given the choice wouldn’t want to go on without each other. That’s the one I want. I want the love that needs mine and vice versa. But I want the love that wants mine if given the choice.

People always say you can’t help who you love and I believe that’s true. To me, that’s the need. But I do believe you can help how you love, and that’s where the want comes into play.

Are you in a relationship out of need or want? Want will provide a choice. Need will require a little force.

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Filed under Encouragement, Relationships

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