Relationships can be very damaging. And it’s even harder when you can see them being damaging and the person in it can’t.
I can easily think of times when I worked so hard to prove that a relationship I had was good. I spent so much time trying to think of the good it was or that the person brought to my life. It was hard. It was more consuming than the actual relationship. And eventually I had to understand that a relationship isn’t supposed to be all of that. They take work, but they shouldn’t take convincing.
If trying to appease one person causes a rift between you and others, it’s a damaging relationship.
If you feel like you have to hide the truth, it’s a damaging relationship.
And if you feel like you have to appease that one person, it’s a damaging relationship.
I believe in wanting people to get along. I really do. But I also believe in reality. And realistically, everyone won’t get along. At that point, it’s up to you to realize whether one relationship is worth all the others you have.
It’s hard for me to value a relationship that devalues all the others I have. Something about that just doesn’t work for me. I could hardly be your friend if it puts a strain on everything I do and the majority of people I talk to.
When it comes to relationships we have good v. godly. Because being good and being godly are very different things. It’s a good thing to want people to get along, and to want to mediate. But is it a godly thing to mediate a situation that neither GOD, nor either party has asked for help in or shown interest in mending?
If you feel like trying to mediate an understanding of your friendship with one person has become stressful to you, it’s a damaging relationship.
If you feel like you have to defend your situation, it’s a damaging relationship.
If you feel like the situation that you’re in requires explanation, it’s a damaging relationship.
Nobody is perfect. We all have or have had a damaging relationship. And truthfully, we didn’t see it then, or didn’t want to see it. All these warning signs were there, we just didn’t want them to be.
Now, I’m not saying give up on people, or that it’s hopeless or anything like that. I’m just saying give up on trying to convince everyone else why this situation works, when all you’re trying to do is convince yourself that it does.
Because the scary thing about a damaging relationship is that the “undamaging” person is the one who leaves or stays the most damaged.